A Day After Day 30 - Lessons Learned

*sigh* Well... I expected to gorge myself today. I didn't... here's what I DID do, however:

I started with cereal. It was horrible. It was one of my usual (PRE-30 Days) cereals - Honey & Almond Granola, and it was Cascadia Farms Organic. Now, I'm not saying there is anything wrong with that brand. In fact, if you're going to eat cereal, that's a great brand. It's all organic ingredients, including the sweet parts, which is good. I'm not even sure if there is a preservative in it that's not organic. What was horrible for me was the sweet... it was TOO sweet for me now. I felt like I was starting my day with dessert... it just felt...well... wrong. So, tomorrow, I'll have my oatmeal with raisins, cinnamon, nuts, and a touch of honey.

For lunch, I had quinoa w/ raisins, spinach, almonds, red onion, greek yogurt, olive oil, lemon juice, and a little garlic. VERY Mediterranean. A small bit of cottage cheese on the side was a nice addition.

I did not have dinner tonight. Frankly, I'm not hungry. I should eat, but I just don't want to. Instead, I'm having a nice, hot tea.

In between, however, I enjoyed more than one little Reese's Peanut Butter cup. In fact, I had 2 small ones today, along with a Reese's egg, and an Almond Joy egg. My "lady time" is coming, and I am finally able to cave to my chocolate craving. And I don't feel guilty. Whaddaya think 'o that?????

I don't want anymore chocolate. I treated myself, and now I feel as if it's enough, and may be for quite awhile.

Here is what I've learned...

• Eating fresh is expensive. I've spent almost twice on my grocery bill as to what I normally spend each month, and sadly, it was all for me. Very little for my family. Organic Milk, expensive and doesn't taste the same to me. I'll get used to it, but I miss my regular 2% milk. Can my conscience allow me to drink milk from farms that treat their milk cows the way so many farms do? Sadly, I'm not sure. I'll look for brands that are friendlier, with more heart.
• Fresh eggs from a farm and not in your grocer's case? Yep. I'm all for it and will continue. There is something very satisfying and loving in visiting the birds that seem to enjoy puttering around with each other, freely, fat & sassy, and with lots of energy. Almost smiling. They come to you excitedly. They don't run away. They are happy to see you. For that, I am grateful to my new friends Misty and Matt. May we always have a happy "Egg" relationship! (which reminds me... almost time to make another visit!)
• Cooking fresh takes time, patience, and skill... all of which I do not have enough of. You can't just open a box of something and dump it in the boiling water. Fresh veggies go quick in the saute pan, no doubt. No thawing, no prepping other than chopping, and everything cooks quickly. However, doing that 7 days in a row, and not being skilled & experienced enough to pull together new things is a downfall that I have right now. With more time, I'll find interesting recipes that I'll be familiar enough to make quickly.
• You must plan... fresh foods w/ no preservatives "turn" in a short time, so buying in bulk is out of the question, and you must plan in order to use them up before that happens. Maybe pickle the carrots, onions, tomatoes, and cukes... but that is something I don't know how to do yet. Dinners planned just for me is a tough thing to do. Most recipes are for several people, and trying to cut them back to feed just one is tough. Even with leftovers, you still have to move on them, and frankly, I was tired of the same thing as I tried to use them up.
• Be patient with yourself... some days, I was inspired to do great things. Others, I was just tired and searching for something to go with a piece of cheese. On those days, I was angry at myself.
• You can't be lazy when eating fresh, or you'll fall into the same rut as I did...
• The body has to adjust... one must be ready to feel up & down... just like any other change in nutritional habits, we have to experiment when it comes to making a change like this. I needed to allow myself to feel different and not dislike myself for it.
• Food is emotional! I love myself now for sticking with it and being good to myself, but some nights in bed, I loathed myself for wanting a big 'ol PB&J Sammitch!!! Or a box of crackers with a vat of store-bought hummus. I didn't eat it, but it's what I thought about until I dozed off.
• After awhile, cravings go away for the most part when you fill yourself with the good stuff. If I wanted cereal, I would eat a piece of fruit, or make myself a power shake with Ice cold cocoa soymilk and fruits & yogurt. It hit the sweet spot.
• Finally, I learned that this is not as far off my normal eating habits as what I thought it would be. It did cut out a few things that I usually gnosh on, and made eating out nearly impossible, but other than purchasing different brands so that it was organic, (Yogurt, milk, etc.) it is pretty much the same.

What I DO wish I could have done was more yoga this past week. My schedule is still tight, but my buns aren't!

I do love myself. I love who I've become, I love that I can follow a regiment on my own, and feel good about it. I love that my family is SO AWESOMELY supportive of these crazy things I do!!! I love that I have the best cheerleaders in the world in my daughter and my life partner. I love that I seem to have the respect of friends and co-workers, and they aren't looking at me like I'm a freak, but rather someone that is educated and knowledgeable on the subject. And I really love the fact that it isn't all about food, but it's about life. A WAY of life that includes a lot of love, a lot of dignity, respect for our world and our environment. Care for our local farmers, for the livestock, for life itself.

I am SO GRATEFUL, and I hope that more folks will join me in seeing what we can all accomplish together. I'll continue this route for as long as it feels right for me. Much love, Blessings, and Positive, White-light Healing energy to all!!!! Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions, and maybe want to join me in the next adventure!!!!

Stacy Milheiser

Vegetarian, Optimist, Mom, Life Partner, Cheerleader, and "Prana-Mama" (and none of those things necessarily in that order!)

Days 27, 28, & 29 - Chocolate, I've missed you!

For the past three days, I've had the cravings... not the sugar cravings, not the carb cravings, but the chocolate cravings. I know. Sugar/Chocolate/Carbs... what's the difference?

Tomorrow is Day 30. The final day.

Tomorrow, I'll give my summation. Tonight, I'll rest. I've been lazy all week, but I know it's because I've not taken the time to eat properly.

This weekend was a chance for me to try some Thai food... Um... YUM!!! I added more & more chili sauce and lime juice to it... although it was "heat", it was amazing flavor!!! Loved the flavor, and allowed the heat to make my lips sweat. :)

This morning, nuts, eggs, homemade wheat Irish Soda Bread, and cheese. (much too heavy to start off the day!) Lunch was grilled eggplant w/ roasted red peppers, feta, and pesto. On the side, a salad of fresh spinach, fennel, endive, carrot, apples, almonds, and topped with a tablespoon of organic balsamic vinagraitte. Dinner was apples & Havarti on said bread, and a tablespoon of natural/organic peanut butter drizzled w/ honey.

Hot tea.

Here's the thing... I cheated. It's day 29, and I had a handful of jellybeans, topped by a Hershey's coconut kiss. It's not a failure... it's Easter Sunday, and I GOTS t' have me some Easter candy, even if it IS just a little taste. :) You see, this hasn't been a time of punishment or guilt... it's been a time of experimentation, and my normal eating habits were simply challenged.

More on my final day. Tonight, I read, and I rest. And I smile on this past month. :)

Days 25 & 26 - The "Ice Cream" on the Corner

I had a boyfriend, many years ago, that was a really fun guy to be around. He could dance like no one I'd ever danced with before, or since. Although we didn't work out, there was one thing I wish I could have taken with me and given to every other boyfriend I had after him, and that was his ability to lead. He was so good that I had my girlfriends dance with him at least once before the night was up. He wasn't afraid to hold you close, find that button in your back that actually moved you where he needed you to go, and suddenly, you melted into him and you were Ginger Rogers. We danced well to all music, but he was especially talented during the blues. You wouldn't think that the blues would make you want to dance, but it did. When we held onto each other and moved on that floor, we CLUNG to each other, and MAN were we BLUE. People stopped drinking at their candlelit tables and watched us... others on the dance floor stepped aside so we could have more room to spin, dip, and stretch open, then pull faster back together. And the best dancing we did was to slow music, filled with deep emotion and sadness... it was prophetic in its way...

I hurt that guy... pretty badly, I hurt him. I was a selfish, uncaring person back then. I was too introspective. I was too analytical. I looked for reasons that it wouldn't work, and it was all because I liked ice cream. I didn't just "like" ice cream... I LOVED ice cream! I loved the creaminess, the cold, the sweetness, the rich flavors, the wide variety of ice cream, the ways you could dress it up, the pairings that could happen. I loved the creativity of a sundae. (You know, he wasn't actually hurt because of "ice cream"... that's only a metaphor for something else)

I always thought there was something "better" out there.. something that I just hadn't tasted yet. And each time a new flavor of "ice cream" came along and beckoned me, I just HAD to try it. No will power... no self control. I was young. I made odd choices very often with no purpose, other than a self-fulfillment and satisfaction that I thought I would find. In reality, there was nothing fulfilling about all that ice cream, and the kicker is, the more you eat, the less satisfied you feel. You always want more and more and more, until it makes you sick.

Cravings for ice cream and junk have, for the most part in my life, faded to a minimum. I realize that the very best that life has to offer is really very simple, clean, and pure. Pick it at its peak, treat it respect, don't dress it up with a bunch of extra stuff that will only mask what it truly is. Allow it to ripen with a lot of love and care, and I promise, it will be the richest thing you've ever tasted. And the VARIETY is unbelievable, if you just let it happen and allow it to permeate you.

I don't analyze anymore. I relax, and know that I have all the ice cream I need or want. I don't have to look inside myself to try to find answers... they just happen naturally, and I already know they come from me. I don't sit and ponder the reasons behind everything. That's just too tiresome and pointless... I'll know what I need to know, when I need to know it.

I still dance... I hope he does too.

Days 22, 23, & 24 - YIKES!! ALREADY????

Hmmmmmm... Why on earth would I skip so many blogging days? Am I that busy? Well... not too busy that I couldn't find the time, but frankly, just exhausted. Seems I can't just jot down a couple of lines. I have to let the thoughts come full-force. *sigh*

Let's see... why don't we just catch up on what has happened.

Sunday... Such a busy day! One thing that most folks don't understand is that when you choose to adopt a nutritional program that differs from the majority of the people around you, it seems to not only make YOU uncomfortable because your food choices are limited, but it makes THEM uncomfortable. Odd... Very odd... I never thought about how other people would treat you. We had a nice gathering on Sunday, at my brother & sister-in-law's church, with Palm Sunday services and my niece's christening. It was lovely. After, we were all invited for a luncheon in the fellowship hall, which of course, had nothing available for me to eat other than a veggie tray. When questioned why it was that I was doing this, ("Is this a diet you're on? Why are you doing this again? How much weight have you lost with this?" Etc.) I didn't know how to explain it in a way that they could quickly comprehend. ("No, this is not a diet... Yes, I'm doing this as an opportunity to test how easy it is to eat completely healthy & fresh...I lost about 7 to 8 lbs overall, but this isn't about losing weight... etc.")

The folks at the luncheon looked at me like I was a freak. I love my immediate family very much. They are a joy to be around... funny, light-hearted, filled with love. And fortunately, they understand me. However, there are moments that hurt. I know they don't do it intentionally. We all laugh, and I laugh with them. But I've been a vegetarian for a very long time, and I know it's not easy to understand when you've grown up with ham and bacon and steaks and pork chops and sausage and burgers and hot dogs. My family loves me very much as well, and they don't know how it hurts when they point out that what I do is weird, or that my daughter is so happy to eat somewhere else rather than I our own house. (which, by the way, is a load of bull... she eats like every other kid at our house... I don't force my habits on her when it comes to food... )

Oddly, it was one of the first times I was ever really aware of how "outside" you can feel. People feel bad because they don't have anything for you to eat... and you feel bad because they feel bad, and trying to assure them that it's no big deal is sometimes a tough thing to do.

After, I came home with one of my nieces. I was starving, so she and I went to an Indian restaurant where I knew the food was made fresh with fresh ingredients. It was a real treat to myself!

Yesterday and today were normal food days... Power shakes in the morning with soy milk, organic yogurt, fresh berries & a banana, and milled flax seed for Omega-3's. Lunches of salads & cheeses & fruits. Dinners have been the hardest. My carb cravings have been heavy, and I've satisfied them with Organic Whole-Wheat angel hair pasta, but my homemade pesto was horrible!!! And so, I resorted to a small jar of sun-dried tomato pesto. And ate far too much of all of it!!! I looked at the calendar, and yes, my hormones are starting to dance. This explains these carb cravings.

I need more greens to finish this out. Only 6 more days and we've reached out 30 day goal!! I'll head to Yoga tomorrow evening for some relaxation... Swing dance on Thursday, and yoga all weekend to finish off. I'll make Saturday and Sunday, the final two days, as detox days, with special recipes for my daily intake.

I realize I've not had any sugar as a sweetener (nor any type of sugar "replacement" other than honey) for 24 days!!! None!!! No foods with sugar, no added sugar, no corn syrup... nothing!!!

I don't miss it at all. Well... maybe just my cereals... :)

Day 21 - "Rearranged"

Today was one of those days that you don't want to pass up... The film "The Bucket List" has an incredible few moments, with lines spoken by Jack Nicholson's character, (and I paraphrase), "There are three things in life that I've learned... Never pass a bathroom, Never waste a Hard-On, and Never trust a fart."

I know, not pretty words, but most likely the truest and most honest observations ever made about the simplicities of aging. As I age, now in my 40's, I realize that there are many things that we can look forward to and realistically hold close, and there are other basic, biological facts that we must face. The same heart, the same mind, the same spirit, the same energy, and the same young, excited, curious girl is inside this body, looking out of the portals that are these eyes. But biologically, this body is a machine. And like all machines, it will eventually wear and tear, and need repair until it is beyond repair. The cells don't regenerate the same way they did when I was a child. Body parts are not longer developing, (unless we consider stuff dragging the ground as "developing") brain function begins to slow, as do our reflexes, and our systems begin to change with nature's path. Nature is an amazing woman, and we love her so, but we need to learn to commune with her so that our changes are expected and flowing rather than something we fight.

A few months back, I awoke in the middle of the night expecting to fully understand the whole "spontaneous combustion" theory... I felt a fire inside of me, making me sweat, my side of the bed soaked, my pillow wringing wet, the sheets stuck to me. Nausea welled it's way up, and I bolted upright, making my way in the dark to the master bath. Once there, I found that it wasn't nausea... that maybe I just needed to sit upright. The top of my head began spewing forth a fountain of perspiration, dripping down my forehead, my hair matted to my skull. What was happening to me???? My hands, my feet, my back! Oh, my back!!! I could almost see the steam coming off my arms!! I sat in the water closet, imagining myself bursting into flame, falling off the toilet and onto the floor. I could just see how the next morning would be... my daughter coming downstairs, looking for me, and finding me in a pile of ash, surrounded by fragments of charred nightgown, one burnt, bony hand clutching the toilet paper roll holder!

And then... it passed. I have a theory... Spontaneous Combustion is simply one of us having these nightly episodes, only it doesn't pass. It's nature's way of cleansing us from toxins that build up as we prepare to finish that phase of our life called "the Menstrual Cycle". Each month, as young, childbearing women, we release our "toxins" in various other ways. (I personally like to "release" them on my partner in the form of tears and angry rants for about two days!) As we age, we begin to learn to control those rants, but all the stuff inside of us has to come out, and it releases itself in the form of HOT HELL-FIRE STEAM!!!

Food is an amazing resource to help us deal with things that happen in our bodies. We turn to it for comfort, we mix it in different ways to help our bodies absorb it better, (tomatoes & avacado, oranges & spinach) we use it for medicinal purposes, (flax seed & salmon for the heart, bananas & orange juice for our muscles, herbs for everything from an upset stomach to stabilizing blood pressure) and we even use it for our outer appearances. (lemon juice to lighten our hair, honey & oatmeal for skincare, eggs as a shampoo/conditioner) We sleep better after eating certain foods and drinking certain teas, and we fight fat by eating more, but in the right combinations!

I've not had one of those episodes since that night. I'm not looking forward to them, but when they do happen, I've already warned my patient, loving, understanding partner that if he wakes in the night to find me roaming around in the back yard in the middle of winter, shoeless, to simply leave me be for a bit. Chances are, I just need to cool off. In the meantime, I'll do a little research on foods/herbs/combinations that will help ease these, or at least give me the strength and breath to move through them.

The three realizations from "The Bucket List"... All three things are definitely applying to my life right now! And yes... that's right... even the second one. :)

Days 19 & 20 - *Whew*!

I love cheese. I love everything about it... not the processed stuff. Not anymore, but the real stuff. The kind that comes in all different shapes & flavors. I especially love smoky cheddar, but it has to be the right time. Mild white cheddar works with lots of things... Gouda, Brie, Swiss, Muenster, Edam, Havarti, Parmesan, Cottage & Ricotta, Mozzarella, Provolone, Asiago, Feta, these are just the ones I remember right now!

I've eaten alot today. There's a reason... Psychologically, I feel I've not been eating enough. Who thinks that???? Every night this week, (except tonight... no class at the studio, and I needed a little break to show some consideration to my house and my dog) I've gone to hot yoga. THIS is one of the toughest workouts I've ever done my entire life. Maybe a 20-something year old gym freak who is also a runner might find it to be a breeze, but for myself and anyone else that has accompanied me, it kicks you flat and leaves you for dead the first couple of times. Last night, I barely made it through... ME???? I was such a dynamo this week! Feeling strong, powerful, balanced, smooth. Last night, I fell out of poses, got dizzy, fell over and didn't even realize it as it happened, saw stars, felt weak, tight, it was an odd practice for me. My thoughts kept going back to "not enough protein, not enough fuel to burn this fire, gotta get out of here." When you start thinking that way, you need to do a quick turn around and find a mantra to put you back into a positive place.

So today, I ate. I woke up to a cup of coffee, a small glass of OJ, a 2 egg omelette with kale, carrots, green onion, and garlic. Lunch was grilled eggplant on homemade wheat with carmelized onions & feta, along with a side of mixed, fresh cut sweet potato, zucchini, and sugar snap peas. Dinner tonight was whole wheat organic angel hair pasta w/ olive oil, sweet basil, and garlic. Finally, I just finished a dessert of red pears, cinnamon, honey, and melted white cheddar. Delish!!!!

I am full. I am really full. But I'm good... the occasional day of this won't make me feel bad, but isn't something I want to do every day! Yeesh!!!

And now, I will go cuddle my dog in my lap as we watch a movie. She is talking to me now, and telling me my tea is getting cold. :)

Days 17 & 18 - "Manna" from Heaven!

Last night after class, I realized I hadn't eaten since about 11am. It was 8pm, and even though it was late, I knew I needed to get something into my body. It's been working hard, and it needs fuel to keep it burning. About a block up from the studio is a place called "Manna" Mediterranean Grill. I had never been, had been referred to it by a friend, and knew this was the perfect time to try it. Even if the only thing I could get was a salad, I knew it would most likely be dark leafy greens and all the Greek fixin's with it!

I stepped in, and the place was bright. It looks like it was a former fast food restaurant, maybe some sort of chicken place or burger joint. It had the usual booths, and a counter to walk up and order. The difference was the menu, obviously, and you could see one of the owners, a young woman in her late 20's, or early 30's with a huge smile on her face and a scarf on her head, busy at work. This is a family owned-operated business, and you better believe you got the home-cookin'. Everything from stuffed grape leaves to Baba Ghannoug, to homemade hummus, Falafels, Shawarma, Gyros, the list goes on! If I were a meat eater, I'm sure the kabobs were fantastic. There is plenty of meat, featuring chicken, beef, and lamb. There is also plenty to make a vegetarian happy. I melted when I walked in, and caved by ordering the Vegetarian Falafel sandwich. I knew it was deep-fried veg falafels, and I knew it was on pita, but I couldn't help myself. What's the good news??????? Just as I was starting to feel like crying because I KNEW I had fallen off the wagon from my "30 Days of Fresh", the young woman came out to ask me how it was. I explained to her it was the most delicious thing I'd eaten in a long time, and how it affected my situation. He face lit up, and she told me she made everything fresh herself EXCEPT the pitas, BUT, they were ALSO freshly bakes, no additives or preservatives, and she drove to St. Louis and got them from a baker herself!!!!! The tomatoes were bright red & juicy, the cucumbers were firm, bright, and filled with flavor, the very light tzatziki sauce was barely there but added the perfect flavor, and the fried chickpea falafel was light with just the right amount of savory to make me think I was cheating!!!!

I wasn't. I was right on target. The only thing I did differently while there...I ate the whole thing! I left slightly uncomfortable, but satisfied, and still feeling good. I DIDN'T fall off the wagon, and I'm looking forward to trying the vegetarian combo platter next time!

To top off the last two days, I walked into yoga and was greeted by the instructor with a "WHOO!! Look at that body!!"

Yep... the old "Just Show Up" plan is working, and starting to show.